Having a child

Having a child was a revelation- it’s like going through a doorway, and everything is different forever…Andrew Lincoln.  The moment I found out we were having a child, we wanted his name to be from the Bible.  Possibly, every parent want to pass onto their child a good name that would reflect possibilities.  I believe having a child with autism is a revelation of seeing the world not as it is but what it possibly can be with love and kindness.  The weight of responsibility often does not fully engulf you until that moment you’re holding that precious blessing in your arms.  At least, it was my experience in having M.  I realized being a working mom outside the home meant finding the right person to look after  M was imperative.  I am so thankful my parents were able to keep M until the age of three.  My mom especially took to M.  They had a beautiful bond.  My mom often said, “Tammy don’t worry about M, that’s my doodie.”   In fact, when I would go pick him up from my mom he would turn his head and cling to her.  After my mom death, I felt lost with M.  Time and Jehovah, God helped my heart to remember everything I so admired about my mom will never be lost.   Maybe that is the beauty of having a child, a hope that the best part of us is imprinted into them.  Having a child encompass sharing what we have and giving our child every chance to thrive.  In truth, the process can be a struggle but the reward is amazing.  Yesterday was a beautiful high for me,  after therapy for the first time M gave me a full open arm hug and said, “Love you.”  Later that evening, M had a sensory meltdown.  Perhaps a combination of being mental, physically and emotionally tired was overwhelming for him.  After all the crying and running back/forth in the hallway, M finally got his weighted blanket.  He wrapped himself and curled up next to me, maybe for reassurance of my love or everything was going to be OK.  Honestly, I don’t always get everything right being a mom.  However, I do not regret having M as my child.   Everyday is a gift from Jehovah no matter the highs or lows, M and I are truly bless to be together…learn, grow and love. (Psalm 127:3)

Simply an autism mom

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Dance

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.  It’s to enjoy each step along the way…Wayne Dyer.   These few days M has been dealing with allergy and sinus issues, so he has not been feeling his best.  However today in the midst of all the rain, I felt M needed to dance.  I put on some oldie goldies like The Temptations ‘I Wish It Would Rain’ mix with Pharrell ‘Happy’ to perk up his mood.  Ms’ eyes twinkled as we dance.  Honestly, I could not help but remember all the times dancing with my family growing up.  Our kitchen made it a great place for sliding across the floor effortlessly.  True I was not the best dancer growing up, but when our mom put on record albums like The Supremes ‘Stop In the Name of Love’ or Aretha Franklin ‘Respect’ you found your heartfelt dance rhythm.  There is truth in Ecclesiastes 3:1  “There is an appointed time for everything, and season for everything under the heaven”.   We dance to music maybe to exercise or simply just to express ourselves.  Either way wholesome dancing can be a great fun cardio workout!  M and I heart was beating fast while dancing.  “Again, please” M kept repeating each time a sung would end.  Eventually to slow things down, I tried to teach M slow dancing.  He enjoyed being dip and spun around a whole lot.  Perhaps life is like a dance, so many rhythm changes that get our heart beating in different ways.  I love the sung by Lee Ann Womack ‘I Hope You Dance’.  I want M to believe with our Creator… he can have a beautiful dance of life between who he is now and who he is becoming.

Simply an autism mom dancing