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We come to understand that the essence of all matter may consist of color, density, design, grain, and so forth. Hence, each matter set by their composition combined into intricate molecules assemble of another matter wonderfully bring forth textures. For many children on the autism spectrum, texture(s) go far beyond the feel of something. It can encompass their visual perception. In fact, the broad term of texture(s) highlight appearance or consistency of a matter/substance. Therefore, many children like M often mentally record, categorize and process the texture(s) of a substance/item not for pristine quality/perfection but rather sensation it has on their senses. One day I prepared some mashed potatoes for M. I put forth labor in peeling, boiling and mashing real potatoes. I even added all the trimmings to make the potatoes awesome. Yes, I thought my mashed potatoes looked appealing. M came to the dinner table. M did an examination of the plate and pushed it away. I did all the motherly techniques to get M to eat the potatoes. M turned into a ninja, hand/arms moving fast blocking every attempt I tried to get my awesome potatoes in mouth. After a few minutes, I had to step back from the situation. I needed to understand  M reason for dramatic response to eating my potatoes. After all, M loves mashed potatoes. Then it hit me, M processing of my mashed potatoes texture aka appearance was not connecting with senses. The bits of bacon, cheese, chives and few potato peel were perhaps too much. Looking back M only ate smooth plain mashed potatoes. I removed M plate and replaced it with the usual. Now M was smiling and humming eating simple mashed potatoes. M taught me food taste better when eaten in peace and that texture(s) go beyond touch too visual carrying very real emotions/reactions.

Simply an autism mom learning

“In a sane society no woman would be left to struggle on her own with huge transformation that is motherhood, when a single individual finds herself joined by an invisible umbilical cord to another person from whom she will never be separated, even by death” by Germaine Greer. These words are testimony to the state/experience of having or raising a child. In truth nothing can prepare you for a diagnose of your child being autistic even if your gut instinct tell you something is not quite right. As a mother, I experienced heartache over M official medical diagnose. So many questions of why/what if and emotions overcame me. I remember crying into my own mother arms. In her loving wisdom, my mother reminded me M was my blessing  and my loving Creator would not let me struggle on my own. Yes, autism does not mean the end but instead a new outlook of motherhood. Like all mothers you’re overjoyed when your child tell you they love you or call you momma. However, many children like M either start out with language then lose it or start with no language than gain it. In M case there was no language in the beginning. In fact M had early intervention. This helped M gain basic sign language. However, it would be years before M by means of therapy speak. When M first learned the words love you it was random and just words with no emotion/human connection. It was not until one day M took my face into those tiny hands and looked right into my eyes and said “love you.” Tears of joy overcame me. I learned that being M mom take on a different state of experiences in child rearing. Hence, these experiences with M taught me the beauty of courage and strength in motherhood.

Simply an autism mom learning

Life in general is full of unknowns or uncertainties. Thus, everyone has a different way of handling the stress/anxiety of life. Many children like M have trouble managing life stresses. In fact such feeling of worry, nervousness or unease can strike at any time. An major event such as going to school or something with an uncertain outcome like going shopping in general can create stress/anxiety. Therefore, creating a daily picture schedule is important. This has helped M in processing daily expectations and reduction of stress level. However, even with the best laid out plan/routine things happen. On one particular day, M had a wonderful morning without any issues. We attended a meeting with M everything was going well. Until all of a sudden M fell onto the floor covering eyes. In that moment my detective mom side was on duty. Yes, some bystanders did not understand what was happening. As I looked around to better understand M sudden mood change, I noticed one of the fluorescent light bulb was flickering in the room. Bingo, M was experiencing sensory stress/anxiety aka meltdown. I quickly hit the switch to cut the lights out. Of course, a bystander tried to switch light back on but I explained my reason. Once the lights were off, I calmly talked to M. After the perceived stress had passed, M started self-regulating habit of humming in order to get to calmness. Moments like this with M taught me the importance of not only staying calm but instilling serenity skills into M.

Simply an autism mom learning

Our mind was created with the ability to be resourceful. In fact this creative power is a wonderful blessing to help many of us have new ideas or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. However, this same ability can be difficult to master for children like M. True, no two children with autism are alike. However, like M many do demonstrate a literal-minded outlook. Hence, M take words  in the usual basic sense without metaphor or allegory. Thus, I found it very important to make sure when communicating with M to be plain or exact. Also, this can be true with objects being seen as basic sense value. It is because of this outlook or literal-mind process that like M many children benefit from play therapy. This help M grasp the concept of pretend play or interaction play with peers. One day I over heard M repeating the phrase “hellooo”. At first I assumed M wanted something. However, as I came into M room a surprised awaited. M was sitting on the floor holding a plastic block in hand.  M kept poking the object with one finger. Afterward, M would hold block to ear and repeat “hellooo”. In that moment I realized M was not calling me for something but rather pretending to be calling on a telephone. M had finally tapped into the power of imagination. That day M taught me that all the years of therapy was worth unlocking M imagination.

Simply an autism mom learning

The word understand carries a simple meaning of perceive the intend of something or infer something from information received. However, this word take on a whole new depth by adding the three little letters ‘ing’ to the end. Now the word becomes not only a noun but an adjective upholding so many wonderful synonyms. This ‘ing’ word brings sensitive, considerate, tender, kind, patient, and having insight just to mentioned a few. So many times M has to visit medical facilities for various procedures. These times can be very unsettling for M. As M mother it can be extremely challenging when some procedures may be painful to M such as being stick by needles. My heart hurt seeing tears falling from M. Many parents with children like M go through countless moments like this and the pain they feel is real. It’s important during this time that both child and parent have understanding caregivers. For example, M needed to have a procedure that required using scissors and a special saw. The medical team remembered from previous visit M sensitivity to buzzing sounds and extreme meltdown to unusual fear of steal shiny scissors. The team displayed amazing understanding of M by making special accommodations. That led to effectively causing the procedure to be mildly stressful for M. Hence, this experience would help M feel less anxiety next visit with the medical team. M experienced on that medical visit taught me the value of understanding. For M being surrounded by people who were sympathetically aware of  other people’s feeling was invaluable.

Simply an autism mom learning