Mom

I think being called mom is a great blessing and privilege. Everyday you are called upon to selflessly meet the needs of your family. Whether awake at two in the morning nursing a baby/sick child or preparing meals. Moms continuously put others before themselves. Thus, being a mom is not only the greatest but is the hardest thing. However, the best part of being a mom is getting love from your child. I think a child’s love is pure. It makes you feel wonderful to be a mom no matter what. We’re our child support system. We always think twice, once for ourselves and once for our child. True, we’re not perfect. However, its imperfections that equal uniqueness and beauty of every mom. Of course, every mom perhaps can recall the first time their child called them mom. In my case it finally happened today. Today, M was able to get leg casts removed and replaced with stronger leg braces. In celebration of this progress, we took M out to eat. Of course, we had chosen an area of the eatery less crowed and noisy. After finishing our meal, we headed back to the car. As I was placing items in the backseat of the car, M said something. At first, I was unclear as to what M said. Thankfully, M repeated it over and over again. M said “momma.” M actually looked at me and called me ‘momma.’ I knew all these years M was aware that I was someone. Now, M has connected me to being momma. Later when I kissed M goodnight, M called me momma again with a smile. Today, I finally felt that awesomeness of being called momma. M taught me being called mom is priceless and a joyous sound!

Simply an autism mom learning

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Overwhelmed

I know all of us have much to do. In fact, I think at some point every human being struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by life stresses. The idea of complete defeat or drowning by the tasks we face is daunting. I realized trying to be the perfect mom for M was unrealistic. The truth was just being a mom to an autistic child can feel overwhelming at times. I found faith has been incredibly important when I become overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. In honesty there have been many days when the waves of tears has overcome me. I felt myself drowning. In those moments given everything on my plate as tears roll down my face, I scream internally for my Creator to please help me…for I am overwhelmed! Believing has given me waves of peace by finding the stolen moments of joy with M. Yesterday, was a long difficult day.  Last night as I sat on the sofa, I started crying. M was having a meltdown contributed by no nap and long day at the hospital. In the mist of my crying and M meltdown, I started singing twinkle little star. After a few minutes, M joined me in singing. I took M in my arms and gave a deep pressure hug. I knew this would ease tension for M but in turn it helped me. We both needed each other comfort. In that moment M said “love you”. Yes, being M mom has helped me to be tougher, there’s been a lot of hardship along the way. I accepted that to be part of my life. Hence, M has taught me having tenacity does not mean avoiding being overwhelmed but being steadfast in the face of the overwhelming odds.

Simply an autism mom learning

Confidence

Many of us have asked our Creator to bestow upon us confidence as we strive to achieve a worthy goal. Our reasoning for this request could be deep down we believe we’re gifted for something. This feeling of self-assured does not happen overnight. In fact it takes discipline, training and time to build up confidence. True some people naturally wear confidence like a beautiful garment. However, believing in yourself should be tailored with reasonableness and humility. In fact, confidence comes with maturity being more accepting of oneself. M gain strength, courage and confidence by everyday experiences. Generally, M need assistance going up and down stairs. This has been the norm for years given M wear leg braces. However as of late, M has been really trying to face the fear of stairs. In honesty, I am terrified of M being anywhere near stairs. Today of all days it was rainy, M was determined to walk down the stairs without assistance. Every attempt I made to help was met with “no thank”. M was putting two-word sentence to good use now. I realized I needed to support M differently. I swallowed my momma fear. I reminded M to hold onto to the rails and take one step at a time slowly. Of course, I was right beside M going down each step just in case. Interestingly, M started counting out loud each step going down. M yelled “10…..did it!” on the last step. M had the biggest smile. My heart did a double flip. I cheered “GOOD JOB M!” In that moment M taught me as long as M keep going, M will keep getting better and gaining more confidence. That alone is success!

Simply an autism mom learning

Retreat

Many of us need to withdraw to a quiet or secluded place in which to rest, relax or meditate. Often times if a retreat is part of our home, we name these designated areas/spaces as man cave or she space. Some may enjoy listening to music, reading a good book or watching television while sipping on tea/coffee or whatever ease the soul. The overall purpose of retreating from the world is to recharge our emotions and thinking. Hence just like adults, children especially those with sensory issues need their own space to retreat. However, in social settings finding a private space can be difficult. Often times M awake before the crack of dawn maybe due to a bad dream or undue anxieties. One particular morning M aroused hysterically crying. We immediately went to M room. M kept repeating the word den. Normally, the special area would be a cozy tent in M room. It contain books, a basket of sensory strings, a cozy blanket, small soft pillows and a weighted animal However, M wanted to retreat into the den. Once in the den M snuggled onto the sofa with sensory strings. At first I thought we needed to stay, however it seemed to aggravate M. Of course as parents, we kept an eye on our child while giving some space. I was pleased M was trying to regulate emotions in a positive way.  After awhile, I heard humming coming from the den. I  looked in and was greeted with a smile and “heeey” from M. Yes, M has taught me everyone need alone time and sometimes breaking from the normal retreat area is A ok  as long as it help you to regroup so as to feel like yourself again…even if its three in the morning.

Simply an autism mom learning

 

Colors

We’re gifted with the ability to see in color. In nature, light creates the color and the movement of colors. Hence, it can be said that colors are the smiles of nature. In fact, color has the great advantage of making things more energetic. My mother always loved yellow because to her its energy illuminate optimistic and happiness. In her passing, I too find myself seduce by yellow. Yes, many people do have color preferences for various reasons. The vast colors of the world was intended to give us great pleasure in life.  However, for M this could feel as if the world was whirling around with too many hues of color causing the colors to blur. Thus, making processing difficult. This could have been a major factor inhibiting M from choosing a color preference. In fact, each week M could pick different color leg castings. However, during these times M has never indicated a particular color preference until today. M said the word “oange” aka ‘orange.’ I asked M again just to be sure I heard correctly. M loudly proclaimed “oange.” We had been working on color words for a while.  In that moment perhaps M amazing mind processed the color orange to feeling good or warmth of love. As crazy as it sound, I did a happy dance. I was proud of M making a color choice. True there is a single color that hold the meaning of life, it’s the color of love. However, M taught me being different is what gives the world color…M will be rocking the orange leg casts.

Simply an autism mom learning